I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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