pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
