No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
