I'll bet she douches with gravy.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
