Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
