I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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