Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
