1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
