shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
