Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
