hotel room ftw
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dear god my vagina.
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