I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
