if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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