My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
