I accidentally had phone sex last night
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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