No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick