Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...