i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We left an ass print on the piano.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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