That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.