i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"