That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
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I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
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Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.