There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.