Someone shit on the floor
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY