Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
