All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
