summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
