we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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