Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
