she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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