Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
