My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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