I wish I only lived at night.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
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is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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