We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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