On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
