Yo dont text me then not text me
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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