I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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