Why are handjobs necessary in class?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We had sex on a dog bed..
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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