I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
