high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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