Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
