i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
