last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
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He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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