im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
