I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
