yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
