Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
