So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
