Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm just crazy horny about you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
