the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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