he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
