I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
