shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
