i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
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He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
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Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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