Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
