Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Randomize
