is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
