I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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