mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
