Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.