I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far