You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
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It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter