I wish my penis had an off switch
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale