if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
