Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
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you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom