i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The air was thick with penises
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
