Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
