I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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