i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
