last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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