Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sorry about my life...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
