Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
