I'm going to jail i love you
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
