He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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