My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
