Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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