Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
