you traded sex for a burrito?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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