It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
