I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
