Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
