Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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