Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
