Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
