I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
