this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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