a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
