Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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