Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
