just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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