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Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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