You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
