Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
